Author: alexiamcleod

When people say “relationships should be 50/50,” it sounds fair, right? Equal effort, equal love, equal responsibility. But anyone who’s actually been in a relationship knows: life doesn’t work like that. Some days, it’s 60/40. Other days, it’s 80/20. And if we’re being honest, there are moments when one person is holding up 100% of the emotional weight while the other is simply surviving. That’s real life. That’s real love. Let’s talk about the 80/20 rule — not the productivity version that talks about how 80% of results come from 20% of effort — but how this principle can help us better understand and manage emotional labor, support, and expectations in relationships. 💡 What the 80/20 Rule Really Looks Like in Relationships The 80/20 rule in relationships means this: sometimes,…

✨ You’ve Heard of PTSD—But What About PTG?Spoiler: It’s not a typo, and it might be exactly what you need to hear. We talk a lot about post-traumatic stress—and we should. Trauma can seriously mess with your brain, your nervous system, your sense of self, and your playlist (why does Adele hit different after a breakup??). But let’s flip the script for a sec.There’s another term that doesn’t get nearly enough love: 🌱 Post-Traumatic Growth (aka PTG—the cooler cousin of PTSD) When we think of trauma, we usually focus on the pain, the stress, the struggle—and for good reason. Trauma can shake up everything you thought you knew about yourself and the world around you. But here’s something we don’t hear about nearly as often: post-traumatic growth. That’s right. Not…

Have you ever asked someone for help—whether it’s doing the dishes, planning an event, or just listening—and they suddenly become completely incapable? Like they’ve never used a dishwasher in their life, can’t figure out how to book a restaurant, or just “don’t know what to say”? If it feels more like avoidance than true confusion, you might be experiencing weaponized incompetence. What Is Weaponized Incompetence? Weaponized incompetence is when someone pretends to be bad at a task—or genuinely avoids learning it—so that someone else (usually you) ends up doing it instead. It often shows up in subtle ways: “You’re just better at it than me.” “I’ll probably mess it up, so why don’t you do it?” “I didn’t know how. You never told me.” It can happen in romantic relationships,…

What Gaslighting Is, Where It Comes From, and How to Spot It Before You Start Doubting Yourself You bring up a concern. They brush it off. You ask a question. They make you feel irrational. You leave the conversation feeling confused, anxious, and like you did something wrong. That’s not healthy communication. That’s gaslighting — and it’s more common (and more damaging) than people realize. Let’s break down what gaslighting really is, where the term comes from, and how to spot it — early. 🔍 What Is Gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make you question your perception of reality. It’s not just someone lying or disagreeing with you — it’s a pattern of behavior designed to make you feel uncertain, unstable, and dependent…

Seduced by Sunshine? How to Spot Love Bombing Before It Burns You.  Summer is the season of flirtation, sun-kissed skin, and whirlwind romances that feel like something out of a rom-com. But while the warm weather might have you feeling open to love, not every spark is a safe one. Enter love bombing—the red-flag behavior that often masquerades as passion, but can quickly lead to emotional manipulation. 🌴 What Is Love Bombing? Love bombing is a manipulative tactic where someone showers you with excessive attention, affection, and gifts in a short amount of time to gain control or win you over fast. Think daily declarations of love after just one beach date or an expensive weekend getaway after only a few conversations. It may feel like a summer fairytale—but it’s…

Loneliness during the holidays can cast a shadow over what should be a time of warmth and connection. As the festive season approaches, taking proactive steps to prevent loneliness becomes vital for mental well-being. Volunteer your time First and foremost, embrace the spirit of giving by volunteering your time. Engaging in community activities or contributing to local charities not only helps those in need but also provides a sense of purpose and connection. The shared experience of helping others can forge new bonds and create a fulfilling holiday season. Make plans with family and friends you haven't spoken to in a while Reach out to friends and family early on to make plans. Initiating social gatherings, whether in person or virtually, ensures that you have events to look forward to.…

5 Things You Need To Try that will help you fall back in love again Are you feeling a bit disconnected from the spark that once ignited your relationship? It's completely normal for the flames of passion to flicker, but fear not—it's never too late to rekindle the fire. Here are 5 essential steps to help you fall back in love and rediscover the magic that first brought you together. Prioritize Date Night Again:  One powerful way to reignite the spark in your relationship is by prioritizing date nights. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, couples often neglect this essential time for connection. By intentionally scheduling and committing to regular date nights, you create a dedicated space for intimacy. Whether it's a romantic dinner, a movie night, or…

The ties that bind families can be intricate, and when toxic dynamics arise with in-laws, the delicate balance of relationships can become even more challenging to navigate. As a therapist, I've witnessed the toll that toxic in-law relationships can take on individuals and their marriages. In this guide, we'll explore effective strategies to cope with and, where possible, transform toxic in-law dynamics into healthier, more constructive relationships. Set Clear Boundaries: Establishing and communicating clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with toxic in-laws. Clearly define what behaviors are unacceptable and communicate these boundaries with assertiveness and respect. Setting boundaries is not a sign of disrespect but rather a measure to preserve your well-being and the harmony within your marriage. Maintain Open Communication With Your Spouse: Fostering open communication with your spouse…