Do We Really Need Closure After a Relationship Ends?
When a relationship or friendship ends, one of the first words that comes up is closure. We tell ourselves (and others) that we just need closure to move on, as if it’s a door we can shut and never look back through. But is closure actually a real, achievable thing—or just a comforting myth we chase to make sense of loss?
Let’s unpack the reality of closure and how to approach it in a healthy way.
Is closure a myth?
In some ways, yes. Closure often gets painted as a perfect moment of explanation—where the other person gives you a neatly tied-up reason for why things ended, you understand it fully, and then you walk away at peace. Real life doesn’t usually work that way. People are complicated, and endings are rarely as simple as one reason or one conversation. If you expect closure to erase all pain, you’ll be disappointed.
But closure isn’t entirely a myth. It’s just not something someone else can hand you. Closure often comes from within, when you make peace with what happened, even if all your questions never get answered.
Do you need any closure at all?
You don’t need closure in the Hollywood sense, but you do need understanding. That might mean making sense of your own feelings, learning from what the relationship taught you, or simply deciding, “This chapter is over.” Some people are able to give themselves closure through self-reflection, journaling, or therapy, without ever speaking to the other person again. Others need at least a small conversation to feel settled.
The key is recognizing that closure is less about them and more about you.
How much closure do I need?
That depends on your personality, your history, and the intensity of the relationship. Some people find peace by getting a short explanation and moving forward. Others need time, processing, and support before they feel ready to let go.
Ask yourself:
- Do I need to hear something from them, or do I really just need to accept what’s already true?
- Am I looking for closure, or am I actually hoping they’ll change their mind?
- Would hearing more help me heal—or keep me stuck?
When is closure healthy, and when is it damaging?
Healthy closure looks like:
- A conversation where both people can respectfully acknowledge the end.
- Personal reflection that helps you grow instead of obsess.
- Deciding to let go, even if you don’t get every answer.
Damaging closure is when:
- You use “closure” as an excuse to stay tethered to someone who’s already left.
- You keep reopening wounds by demanding more explanations.
- You put your healing in someone else’s hands instead of your own.
Sometimes the healthiest closure is silence—the choice to move forward without rehashing.
How much information is too much information?
This is a tricky one. Of course, you want to know why things ended, but there’s a point where details stop helping and start hurting. For example:
- Helpful information: “I feel we’ve grown apart and want different things.”
- Too much information: A blow-by-blow list of your flaws, or comparisons to someone new.
You don’t need to know everything. You only need enough to understand that the relationship wasn’t the right fit for both of you. Anything beyond that can create unnecessary pain or overthinking.
Final Thought
Closure isn’t about getting the perfect explanation—it’s about accepting that the story has ended, even if some sentences are unfinished. You may not get all the answers you crave, but you can always give yourself peace by deciding not to chase them endlessly.
The real closure is knowing your worth, carrying forward the lessons, and choosing to turn the page.
Written by Sophie Limbourg